Three...Two...One...What Can a Year Bring?

February.  It's the 2nd Month of the Year.  It starts off with a bang where you get to see if a rodent will make it winter or spring sooner.  Later, you can celebrate your lovey-dovey-ness in the middle of the month (Pass...I'll just enjoy the holiday called "Half Off Chocolate on February 15").  And towards the end you celebrate a couple presidents and enjoy a day off work.  Seems like it should be a pretty "Kick Ass" Month, right?

For me, February has been kind of a sad month.  A month when life usually gets pretty real for me.  A month where I have to really think about making life adjustments.


Three Years Ago (2011)

Three years ago, B was two-years-old.  Like most two-year-olds, he liked watching PBS kids on the TV.  He liked swinging at the park.  He liked swimming in the water in the summertime, and snuggling in the covers in the winter.

What made B different though, was B wasn't talking as much as his peers.  We had noticed it for a few months, but everyone around us kept saying "No worries, everyone develops different" - which is a very correct answer.  We tried to accept that we weren't failing as parents; however, it was really hard to accept when you had the only two-year-old not striking a conversation.

In my mind, there was no proof that I was a good parent.  Sure, we provided B with food, and a home to live in, and clothes, and toys...but those things were all things anyone could buy.  Sure, I loved my kid, but what kind of mother doesn't love her child.  My kid was not talking, and I was a failure of a mother for not teaching my child how to talk. 

A stranger would come up to my child in the grocery store and say "Hello" and B would stare blankly.  A family member would say "How are you today" and B would stare blankly.  I would hug and kiss him goodnight and tell him "I love you" and he would stare blankly.  There was no proof that I was teaching my child anything - which made me look like the Mom Failure.

February 2011 was the time I called the public education system.  The month that I asked for help.  The month that I knew I was parenting the wrong way, and wanted to know the right way to parent.  Assessments were done, and it was determined that B had a developmental delay.  He was eligible for public preschool later that year.  And so began my new life of parenting.  Enter in "The World of IEPs"


Two Years Ago (2012)

Two years ago, B was three-years-old.  He was in his first year of preschool and there were some minor improvements shown.  Pros included that he loved going to school.  When he would see that bright yellow school bus in the morning, his eyes would just light up.  His vocabulary increased a little bit.  At the beginning of the school year, he didnt know many nouns, but he was improving by saying more animals, house items, weather signs, etc.  The only thing was, it wasn't improving a lot.  K and I knew that we were first time parents.  We knew that we weren't doing something right.  But we also needed to know if there was something we didn't know about B that would help our parenting.

February 2012 was our second official parent-teacher conference in the public school system. I remember sitting across the table from the Pre-school and Speech Teachers when I said, "I'm not familiar with disabilities, but do you think there is anything else that I should look into?"  Boy did I just walk into a new adventure!  And that's when they said the Big-ole-freaking A-bomb.  "Well, it could be Autism, but it's nothing you need to worry about.  He shows some signs that are very much like Autism, but other signs that aren't."

Autism.  AUTISM!  What the hell was Autism?  Sure, I had heard the word before.  But I didn't have any clue what it was (for those of you in my 2012 boat - Autism is a neurobehavior impairment usually affecting social, communicative, and behavioral).

So, after the conference I google everything I can about autism.  "Speech Delays"  "Hands Flapping"  "No Eye Contact"  "Doesn't Interact With Peers"  "Melt Downs" ...Holy Moly was my mind swimming.  THIS WAS IT.  I thought I was dealing with a speech impairment.  I had no idea how many other signs I was missing!

The next day I insisted we go to Barnes and Noble to get books on Autism.  K thought I was overreacting as I dropped $200 on books without a professional diagnosis, but my Mom Gut told me this was it.

February was the month I heard the "A Word" for the first time, and started the process of having my child diagnosed.


One Year Ago (2013)

One year ago, B was four years old.  Four was a busy year for B!  We got the official diagnosis of Autism.  We enrolled him in occupational therapy, several speech therapies, social activities, and he did another year of preschool.

Having the diagnosis was generally speaking, a great thing for us.  Yes, it was sad to think that my child was different, but it was also wonderful knowing he was different.  I had thought for years that I was a bad parent, but I wasnt bad, I just wasnt reaching him the right way. 

Lucky for B, his Baby Brother R was born at this time, so maternity leave gave me a lot of time to take B to therapies and work on my new parenting skills.  In this year, B was improving a lot more than the previous year of preschool.  B was still nonverbal, but his vocabulary improved and he was better about putting words together.  With verbal prompts, we could ask him questions and get answers and have a healthy way of communicating!  It was getting better.

B was working hard at preschool (which was half of a day).  B was working hard at therapy (which were in the evening).  B was working hard at home.  Unfortunately, there was one time when B was not working hard, and that place was at daycare.  No matter how many meetings I had with daycare, they couldn't get it through their heads that my little boy needed them to be on board too and help him out.  (In the daycare's defense, they didnt seem to ignore my little boy's needs because he had Autism...rather, they ignored a lot of the kids' needs, resulting in a lot of kids academically behind).

K and I knew we had to do something to get him out of the place that was the roadblock in his progress.

February rolled around again, and so did the semi annual Parent Teacher Conference. K and I had come up with an idea!  We informed the Pre-school and Speech Teachers that we wanted to enroll B in Kindergarten that Fall.  At first, there was hesitation.  B was not ready for Kindergarten, especially socially and communicative wise.  The school system wanted him to do a third year of preschool. 

K and I told the school system that it would be more beneficial to enroll B into kindergarten where he would get 8 hours of assistance rather than 4 hours of assistance.  We also said that it would be good for B to have one year of kindergarten as a trial run, then do another year of it.  It only made sense to do 2 years of kindergarten than 3 years of preschool.  When the school system realized that we were advocating for B's learning and not just trying to get "free daycare", the school system understood where we were coming from and agreed that we'd do 2 years of Kindergarten.

K and I made a wise decision on what was best for our kid.  Maybe we weren't failures as parents!  Still, it was sad knowing that he would be behind.


Today

Another year goes by, and now it's 2014.

B has been in full-day every day kindergarten.  We stopped the occupational and speech therapy, as it just made for super long days.

What has happened in this intense year?  Well, B is talking more without prompts, using sentences, able to answer questions, and reduced his hand flappies.  Academically, he knows and can write all the letters and numbers.  Writes his name.  Knows his phone number.  Knows his birthday.  He's eating new foods (huge sensory battle before).  Counts to 120.  Can read a clock.  Starting the process of reading...  Holy shit!  Go-kiddo-Go!

So today was the big day.  Parent Teacher Conference Day.  A time where my life entered a new world of "Special Needs" three years ago.  A night when two years ago I was crying my eyes out in fear of what was to come.  A meeting where one year ago I knew that my husband and I were the true advocates of our child's needs.  So what was this day going to bring?

Here's what I was expecting:  "Yes, B is improving.  With one more year of Kindergarten, he will be on track to be better prepared for first grade."

And I was going to say something like:  "Okay, thanks for helping him succeed.  Are there any tips you have for me over the summer to help him really excel next year because we'd like it to be his last year of kindergarten."

This meeting was a little different, but not much.  Since three years had passed since the initial IEP where we stated B had a "developmental delay", we had to update it.  We adjusted the paperwork to reflect the diagnosis of Autism.  We talked about B's areas of improvement, but everyone was so enthusiastic about his achievements in a year.  As the meeting drew to a close, and I was asked if I had any questions, I started talking about the plan to continue with Kindergarten this Fall. 

It was odd looking at the principal, psychologist, para-educator, special needs teacher, and speech therapist as I spoke of another round of kindergarten.  They looked at me like I was a crazy person.  That's when they informed me that they thought B was ready for first grade this fall.  B is academically there with his peers, and although his communication and social barriers will always be something to work on, his intellect is not something impaired.  There is no need academically to hold the kid back!

So, for the first time in a long time, February feels very satisfying!  I know there is a long road ahead, but it feels good to show proof that my parenting isnt failing, and that my kid is brilliant! 

Good Night!

The Big Intro - Ma Ma Z

So this is my first attempt at a blog.  Here goes nothing!

Back Story:  My name is Megan.  I'll probably refer myself as Ma Ma Z in a lot of my blogs.  I am not unlike a lot of other bloggers out in internet land.  I'm married.  I have children.  I have a job.  I live in a small town.  I like food...scratch that, LOVE food.  And my favorite hobby is taking naps - when I have time.  I am a very "Type A" person (except when it pertains to the cleanliness of my house).  Life to me should always have a plan and a purpose.

I live in Nebraska.  Nebraska, where our motto is "The Good Life".  Generally speaking, I think that motto fits perfectly with my lifestyle.  What makes me different than your typical blogger you ask?  My life has a little more chaos than the average Nebraskan.  No, I am not out shucking corn (peeling off the leaves from the ear of corn for you city folk).  I am out and about and always have something on my plate.  Why?

First, when I said I was married, I should tell you that I am married into the military.  I wont go into details right now, but I will say that the military is a big part in my life; hence, it brings a lot of changes.  My Husband, K, is a great man.  He is very cool, calm, and collected - so, the opposite of me...and I think that's what keeps our Family Chaos from going over the top.

Second, when I said I have children, I forgot to mention that they were boys.  Busy, busy little boys! 

My oldest, B, is on the autism spectrum.  Now before I read a comment about how "you know a brother's cousin-in-law's neighbor's kid who's on the spectrum," I'll stop you right there.  If you've met one child with autism, you've met just one child with autism.  With B, he is one of the kindest and gentlest boys you'll meet.  No aggression...AT ALL.  He loves cuddles, playing with trains, and eating iced oatmeal cookies.  He is non-verbal, but I am amazed at how well he improves every day.  Rather than being bored with my time, he has opened me up to the worlds of speech therapy, occupational therapy, IEPs, and at-home practice.  He has taught me so many lessons in life already - mainly in helping me realize how judgmental I was of people in the past, and now I try to correct my bad habits.  He is the reason for some painful nights of worry, as well as some beaming days of pride.  He is amazing in my eyes.

My youngest, R, is a neuro-typical (the word I will be using as 'normal') toddler.  Unlike B, R is TALKING UP A STORM.  His vocabulary is crazy good.  He picks up on everything very quickly - walking, talking...heck, he's even pooped in the potty a couple times - SCORE!  He's a very very funny kid who is already charming the pants off people.  At a year old, I will tell you that I know he's a "little version of me".  Growing up as the "overachiever", that makes me excited for him; although, I have my fair share of anxiety and high unachievable expectations for me, that it makes me worry that he may have those traits as well.  R - my humorous, loveable, charismatic stinker!


So unlike other bloggers, juggling daily struggles with family is the purpose of my blog.  I wanted to keep a diary for me.  I decided on a blog, because if it was paper, R would probably find it and start coloring in it.  I'll keep it public - just because I remember what it was like joining the Autism Community, and I found blogs a helpful place to find people that understood what I was going through.  So, here's my big jump into the blog world...Here goes nothing...